Full time: Uruguay 0-0 Brazil (4-2 pens) Manuel Ugarte calmly sends Alisson the wrong way to complete a memorable victory for Uruguay in a forgettable game. They will play Colombia in the semi-finals, and Brazil go out after winning only one of their four matches.

Marcelo Bielsa, a class act, leaves his players to celebrate and warmly embraces Raphinha.

Uruguay 3-2 Brazil Now then. Uruguay have another chance to win the match, with Manuel Ugarte on their fifth penalty.

Uruguay 3-1 Brazil Alisson keeps Brazil alive with a good save to his left. Poor penalty though.

Uruguay 3-1 Brazil Uruguay are one kick away from the semi-finals! Douglas Luiz ran up confidently but swept his penalty against the left-hand post.

Uruguay 3-1 Brazil Another very good penalty – fairly central but lifted decisively over Alisson’s dive. It takes courage to go high on a penalty.

Uruguay 2-1 Brazil Calmly done. He waited for Rochet to dive and passed the ball slowly into the other corner.

Uruguay 2-0 Brazil Good penalty, curled low to his right. Alisson again went the right way.

Uruguay 1-0 Brazil Eder Militao strolls forward without a care in the world – but he’s got one now because Rochet has saved his penalty! It wasn’t the greatest kick, hit with pace but at saveable height.

Uruguay 1-0 Brazil Terrific penalty, cracked at pace into the bottom-left corner. Alisson went the right way but had no chance.

There was almost a fight before the penalty shootout. There’s some pushing and shoving in the centre circle, with Bentancur involved. Anyway, here we go, Fede Valverde is first up for Uruguay.

“Don’t worry Rob,” says Peter Oh. “What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas.”

So, a third penalty shootout in four quarter-finals. Brazil lost on penalties to Croatia at the last World Cup but beat Paraguay at this stage of the 2019 Copa. Uruguay have lost their last three shootouts, including the quarter-finals of 2019 and 2021.

We must never speak of this again.

90 min There will be five minutes of added toxicity.

89 min Bentancur leaves a bit on Pereira when the ball has long gone. I’ve seen bar-room brawls with more charm than this game.

88 min Valverde’s free-kick hits a defender and goes behind for a corner. Brazil break and Evanilson is shoved over cynically by Caceres. Then Andreas Pereira goes down holding his head. This is miserable.

87 min: Brazil substitutions Gabriel Martinelli and Evanilson replace Rodrygo and Bruno Guimaraes.

87 min “Could this game have the record number of fouls in the tournament,” says Tom Mackintosh. “Or ever? Or the most dives? Or faking injuries?!”

I still have nightmares about being forced to watch the first half of Real Madrid v Barcelona in the 2011 Champions League semi-final. The ball was in play for about four minutes.

86 min Douglas Luiz, on as a sub, has adjusted to the pace of the game: his first act is a foul on de Arrascaeta.

85 min Endrick runs at a backpedalling defence and hits a decent low shot from 20 yards. Rochet dives to his left and holds on.

83 min Rochet goes down and needs treatment. The referee looks at him slightly wearily, unsure whether he’s trying it on, and then tells him he’s stopped the clock.

81 min: Triple substitution for Brazil Douglas Luiz, Andreas Pereira and Savinho replace Lucas Paqueta, Joao Gomes and Raphinha.

81 min Raphinha’s cross is punched away decisively by Rochet. I think Brazil only had one player in the area for that cross.

79 min There’s still no real urgency from Brazil, although they are now camped in the Uruguay half. They have 11 minutes to boot the door down.

77 min: Double substitution for Uruguay Guillermo Varela and Giorgian de Arrascaeta replace Facundo Pellistri and Darwin Nunez. I guess they’ll take their chances of penalties now.

75 min “I feel like what we’re seeing at both Euro and Copa is an inevitable endpoint for the globalisation of football,” says Chris Paraskevas. “There was a time when South American teams played with a distinctive rhythm: something that couldn’t be imitated by European nations. Brazil obviously did it best over such a long period, blending their unique culture with pace, power and of course unmatched skill.

“Their decline is indicative of a wider issue in South American football: players and coaches getting sucked into a European style. Identity crisis doesn’t even begin to cover it.

“Looking around the room, the likes of Chile and Paraguay have gone backwards. Only Argentina have managed to retain the old “coiled spring” routine along whilst modernizing - and that’s down to the underrated management of Scaloni.”

While I know what you mean, it feels like we’ve been having this conversation since Sebastiao Lazaroni played a sweeper system with Brazil at Italia 90. I think the Euros and the Copa America have highlighted two other issues: the schedule – everyone looks shattered – and the brazen cheating.

74 min Yep, Uruguay are down to 10 men. The more you see Nandez’s tackle, the worse it gets – he could have broken Rodrygo’s ankle.

VAR check for a potential red card Nandez could be off here. It was a bad tackle and Rodrygo’s ankle buckled, so he can have no complaints if he does get sent off..

71 min Nandez is booked for a really bad tackle on Rodrygo, studs into the ankle, yet still has the nerve to look like he’s been wronged. Play some football lads, for heaven’s sake.

70 min Pellistri accidentally steps on the right hand of Arana, who is in pain but soon gets to his feet.

69 min All of a sudden we’re 21 minutes away from a penalty competition. Maybe that’s best for all concerned.

68 min Raphinha tees up Joao Gomes, whose shot from distance is blocked.

66 min: Uruguay substitution Rodrigo Bentancur of Spurs replaces Nicolas de la Cruz.

64 min Joao Gomes is booked for a cynical lunge at Nandez. He’ll miss the semi-final if Brazil get there.

64 min “I forgot,” says Mac Millings, “there’s also a bench.

1. Bruno Guimaraested Development

2. Nahitan Nandez O’Connor

3. Mathias Olivera Lynn

4. Edersonic Youth

5. Eder MilliVanillitao

And still no place for Endrick Astley.

64 min The foul count is Uruguay 20-9 Brazil, which is slightly surprising as it feels like they’ve been as bad as each other.

63 min Valverde blasts over from 25 yards. Well struck, not well placed.

62 min Brazil break three on three but Endrick is very well challenged by Caceres.