Well, the reason why I didn't want to make any moves in Cali has to do with the cocaine thing. Her ex called her after finding out what we were gonna do, said a bunch of terrible things to her, then called her a cokewhore on facebook, etc.. She then took up a "fuck that shit" mentality in regards to that drug, to prove a point and such. He also accused her of carelessly ****ing over the other dude by doing this stuff with me.
Basically, after that, we knew nothing was going to happen. Or, at least, I wasn't going to push for anything because I didn't want to be responsible for her feeling really guilty later on if she actually IS serious with this guy, or whatever. Know what I mean? It was destined to be a squeaky clean experience, aside from taking ecstasy and sleeping in the same bed (which can be excused on the basis of practicality, as one bed is cheaper than two).
That's what kinda sucks... If her ex didn't blow up on her that day, we would have gone to California without worry and do a drug that is commonly associated with sexuality. But then it became a huge deal, not just a fun little experiment, and we had to be more reasonable about it (ecstasy instead of coke, and no touching. lol). It just wouldn't made any sense, with all our history, to finally break out and bang like hell after she gets called out for being a whore and fucking someone over by going on this trip.
Also, I am definitely staying aware of that friend zone possibility. Thing is, we've known each other for a long time, and liked each other for a long time, and I've never done anything like this before. What I'm saying is, me telling her we should hang out more often will likely be a big deal. Like I said, people thought we were dating before. So I think we'd both be aware that it wouldn't be an entirely casual, insignificant thing.
In other words, such a gesture would be kind of like making a move. It might not be a blatant "I want you," but I think it should say "I want more of you." And honestly, I'm gonna tell her something to that effect anyway. So don't worry, I won't pussyfoot. I am definitely afraid that she's content with keeping me as her "cool friend I do drugs with and see concerts with sometimes," though. But it's mostly an irrational fear. I've been told by a number of people that she's into me, she always SEEMS into me
edit: I should say there are more reasons why I have to be cautious and careful with this. I don't want to get too into it because it will just make all of this harder to explain, but yeah. If it weren't for a number of complications, the answer would be simple, and I would have no problem making a move. In fact, I would have gone for her a long time ago. But, this and that.
