Line-O-Rama: Stewie Griffin's Best Insults

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Bot-IGN

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Mar 28, 2001
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Article Comments for [link=http://stars.ign.com/articles/966/966753p1.html]Line-O-Rama: Stewie Griffin's Best Insults[/link]
by Jesse Schedeen

Summary: Of the Family Guy cast, few characters can rival Stewie for the sheer number of memorable, hilarious, and downright disturbing quips. Stewie has evolved over the years from tyrannical mad genius to sexually confused baby f odd tastes. Along the way, he's taunted and teased everyone who has crossed his path. In today's Line-O-Rama feature, we honor the top 10 Stewie insults of all time. [link=http://stars.ign.com/articles/966/966753p1.html]Read Full Article[/link]
 
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IcemanX20

Noob
May 30, 2001
461
0
You guys left out a bunch of my favorites:

"Stewie: Yay and God said to Abraham, "you will kill your son, Issak", and Abraham said, I can't hear you, you'll have to speak into the microphone." "Oh I'm sorry, Is this better? Check, check, check... Jerry, pull the high end out, I'm still getting some hiss back here."

Stewie: [Picking up the phone.] Hello, operator. Hello... Oh god, that's right you have to punch in the numbers nowadays. Uhhh, I should know this. Oh yes,
[dialing number]
Stewie: 867-5309, yes that's it. Wait that's not it, damn you Tommy Two-Tone. Huh, only one thing to do 111-1111, Lois? Damn. 111-1112 Lois? DAMN. 111-1113...

Li: Stewie, come complete our rainbow.
Stewie: I've got a better idea. Let's go play "swallow the stuff under the sink."

"Hello, mother. I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster."

Stewie Griffin: Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Momma! Momma! Momma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Momma! Momma! Momma!
Lois Griffin: WHAT!?
Stewie Griffin: Hi. [runs off giggling]

Lois Griffin: What's going on down here?
Stewie Griffin: Oh, we're playing house.
Lois Griffin: That boy's all tied up.
Stewie Griffin: Roman Polanski's house.

Lois Griffin: Stewie why don't you play in the other room?
Stewie Griffin: Why don't you burn in hell?

"For the love of God, shake me! Shake me like a British nanny!"

Peter Griffin [trying to potty-train Stewie]: Maybe you don't have to pee. I'll just give you some beer, it'll run right through you.
Stewie Griffin: Beautiful. And while we're at it we can light up a dubey and watch porn.
Peter Griffin: Rea... Really?

[In car with Brian, says to police officer] We met on the Internet. He lured me into the car with promises of candy and funny stories.

Lois Griffin: Oh, I haven't been on a college campus in years. Everything seems so different.
Stewie Griffin: Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankles behind your ears that would ring a few bells.

Lois Griffin [finding note in Chris's pocket]: Huh, what's this? You know Stewie, Mommy doesn't usually read things out of Chris's pocket. She's more respectful than that.
Stewie Griffin: Whatever helps you sleep at night, bitch.

"By all means, turn me into a child star. Perhaps I can move to Californ-i-ay and wrangle me a three-way with the Olsen twins."

Meg Griffin: Oh you know from my boyfriend, Prince William, I got this beautiful watch, and this diamond tiara, and a sceptre...[goes crazy and runs away crying]
Stewie: She needs to get laid BIG TIME!

C'mon IGN, if you are going to do something, do it right or don't do it at all.

-M

 
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Mattcoxy

Noob
Feb 13, 2009
85
0
You know its a good list when your laughing till your brains ooze out your ass while everybody else is feeling really awkward
 
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bigchief016

Noob
Jul 7, 2008
144
0
Iceman's list had most of the real gems in it. Although the quote with the prostitute makes me laugh every time.
 
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thejohnsantos924

Noob
Feb 19, 2009
4
0
Brian: Mornin'
Stewie: Good day to you sir. Wait a minute what the hell!? Gettin real tired of you duckin me man! Where's my money? Yeah, you got money to pay for fake mustaches but you dont have my money? How much did that fake mustache cost?

Patriot Games. Best Family Guy episode ever!
 
L

levired

Prime Member
Jun 1, 2005
64
0
Olivia: You are the weakest link, goodbye. ------

Stewie: Oh gosh that's funny! That's really funny! Do you write your own material? Do you? Because that is so fresh. You are the weakest link goodbye. You know, I've, I've never heard anyone make that joke before. Hmm. You're the first. I've never heard anyone reference, reference that outside the program before. Because that's what she says on the show right? Isn't it? You are the weakest link goodbye. And, and yet you've taken that and used it out of context to insult me in this everyday situation. God what a clever, smart girl you must be, to come up with a joke like that all by yourself. And so fresh too. Any, any Titanic jokes you want to throw at me too as long as we're hitting these phenomena at the height of their popularity. God you're so funny!
 
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GuitarPlayer3255

Noob
Mar 11, 2006
60
0
Peter: *Changes channel from Teletubies*
Stewie: Thank you, when the world is mine, your death shall be quick and painless.

I know I'm missing a bit, but thats the highlight. ^^
 
U

Unstoppabl2

Noob
Dec 11, 2008
17
0
props to levired

That line is fuckin hilarious way funnier then any of the lines in the list ... and it comes from my favourite episode too. there are just so many lines from that one.

Instructor: "are you watching (smacks himself in the face) thats for me ever doubting you".
Stewie: (smacks instructor) "thats for wearing purple socks with blue pants ... ewwww".

or

Stweie to Olivia: well i`d love to stay and chat but your a total bitch.

just a great episode
 
H

Havoc75

Noob
Oct 27, 2005
3
0
Remember the episode "Patriots' Day" guest starring Tom Brady when Brian places a bet with Stewie. Brian loses the bet and doesn't take paying Stewie back seriously until Stewie beats the SHIT out of Brian "Goodfellas-style"! All the while sayin "...Where's my money man?! You got my money yet?! I'm getting reeaaal tired of you man..reeaaal tired!" As Stewie's using fists, golf clubs, and an assortment of things he continues yelling "...This is what happens maaan! This is what happens! You got money for fake mustaches (Brian attempts to fool Stewie with a disguise) but ain't got my money-PUNCH!PUNCH!PUNCH!!!" The full quote and episode should definitley be in the top ten!
 
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iliketurkee

Noob
May 3, 2008
137
0
The one that stands out the most to me is Stewie's answering machine message when Brian goes back to school.
"Uh, you've reached Stewie and Brian, we're not here right now, uh and if this is mom, uh send money because we're college students and we need money for books...and highlighters...and.... ramen noodles...and condoms, for sexual relations with our classmates."
 
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WyomingPTT

Noob
Aug 25, 2004
69
0
Lois: "What's going on down here"
Stewie: "We're playing house"
Lois: "But that boy is all tied up"
Stewie: "Um Roman Polanski's house..."
 
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Spoonman671

Noob
Jun 11, 2007
1,197
0
Chris: "Hey birthday dude, you want some ice cream?"
Stewie: "Yes, but no sprinkles! For every sprinkle I find I shall kill you!"

That's probably my favorite Stewie line ever. And it comes from an episode when the show was actually still funny.
 
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Ras137

Almost Not a Noob
Mar 30, 2001
33
0
I've always been a big fan of:

Lois: "...when you were born the doctor said you were the happiest newborn he had ever delivered."

Stewie: "But of course. That was my victory day! The fruition of my deeply laid plans to escape from that cursed ovarian Bastille!"
 
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Ras137

Almost Not a Noob
Mar 30, 2001
33
0
I've always been a big fan of:

Lois: "...when you were born the doctor said you were the happiest newborn he had ever delivered."

Stewie: "But of course. That was my victory day! The fruition of my deeply laid plans to escape from that cursed ovarian Bastille!"
 
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superghibli

Noob
Mar 7, 2009
4
0
What happened to when Stewie accuses Brian of not being able to see the colors of the American flag b/c he's a dog and that makes him a commie? Stewie then gets owned for doing something that Brian just told him he shouldn't do. That was hilarious.

What about when Stewie was in the sandbox and was mad at Lois for staring at him and threatens to kick her ass? That toilet thing wasn't a top moment IMO.
 
C

cvpooler

Noob
Oct 24, 2008
1,016
0
Some of these aren't even insults...
and you left out a lot of funnier ones...
good read though.
My favorite quote is simply: Goooo. Awaaay. Fatman.
 
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videogame01

Noob
Nov 26, 2007
64
0
What about when Stewie whispers something to Brian and he says "Like she'd be payed to do that." you don't even know what he says and it is still good.

and "Why don't we light up a doobie and watch porn." and peter goes "yeah?" (it's right before he starts saying he won't use the toilet, first or second quote on this list)

i wouldn't put the ray liotta thing on here, i didn't get it.

 
J

Jiggz52

Noob
Jan 6, 2003
4
0
"You know Meg, if you killed yourself right now you could probably get a whole page in the yearbook. Just something to think about."
 
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WeaponX91515

Noob
Dec 26, 2008
58
0
"Is that...the silly putty...I bought you...from Chucky Cheese?"

I think that's the quote, and it comes from the same episode that the Ray Liota quote comes from.
 
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T0PW0P

Noob
Dec 24, 2008
12
0
"No sprinkles! For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!"
i piss myself every time i hear that one [face_tongue] lol
 
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HarvestMoon4me

The Original
May 1, 2006
6,543
449
Stewie: "You! [throws food at Peter] You're the worst thing to happen to musical theatre since Andrew Lloyd Webber!

"And you! [throws food at Lois] Well I just plain don't like you.

^ One of my personal favorites.
 
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spomp781

No Longer a Noob
Oct 7, 2008
2,301
272
Y-town
"Hey you with the Pete Rose hair-cut. Get outa my way!!!!

on the playground when he battles his twin brother
 
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-Rat_Man-

Noob
Jul 20, 2008
44
0
lois: Okay now sweety this is'nt gonna hurt at all.


Stewie: arhh those lying bastards at johnson & johnson


[cuts to factory]


lab guy 1: We'll put no more tears on the label.

lab guy 2:but it does make you cry.

lab guy 1: I know

lab guy 1&2: (evil lagh)
 
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