"Marcus! Are you listening to me?!"
I groaned deeply, reaching for my alarm clock. A relieved smile came across me as I found the power button, and a DJ's morning announcement drowned her out. I rubbed my eyes as I sat up in my bed, trying to shake the need for more sleep. I couldn't afford to be late, my parents and coach made that plenty clear to me. Before I could even get out of my bed, my door burst open.
"Hey, listen to your mother okay? Now she's bugging me."
"Yeah dad."
"I'll tell her you'll be down in five. Don't make me a liar."
My father closed the door behind him, and I groaned as I stood up and stretched out my back. I shuffled over to my dresser, grabbing my standby black sweats and Churchill shirt. It was Wednesday, hump day, and I had no intentions of looking pretty today. I lowered myself down the stairs tenderly; Friday's exploits still lingering in my hip. As I approached the dining room table, I could tell my mother wanted to start my morning with a quick and swift lecture, but her face softened as she saw her baby walking gingerly; one of the few saving graces of getting speared to the ground a few times.
"Hurry up and eat your breakfast." Her snippy comment was her small way of exacting some form of punishment towards me.
"Still sore?"
"Yes sir."
My father only nodded his head. "Way to be tough. Just be sure to tell coach if it gets bad. I'm sure he wouldn't be to pleased to lose his new star running back."
"I'm icing it, I'll be good."
"Okay, grab that toast to go. Or else we'll both be late."
Another sharp honk stirred me from my daydreaming as I sat back up in my seat. I lazily looked up just in time to see the driver in front of us flip us off as he sped down the road, leaving the honk and us as a distant memory.
"Sorry Marcus, did I wake you?"
"I wasn't sleeping Gina, just thinking."
Gina was actually Miss Gina; she was informal like that towards most people she met. She had grown up in Florida, but after living in Maryland for twenty years that southern accent was long gone from her words, but that southern hospitality still stuck with her. I guess after all the shit the universe put me through in the past two years, having Miss Gina was a way of apologizing to me. But it'd take more than a caring woman for me to say thank you to the universe, it still had a long way to go to make it up to me. The car swung left off of Route 1 and with it all the signs for College Park; instead those billboards were quickly replaced by rows and rows of neatly tucked away houses. A stark difference from the houses we had driven past not just two minutes ago.
"Don't be nervous Marcus. We're only a few minutes out now."
"Marcus, are you okay sweetheart?"
"What? Of course he's okay. Aren't you son?"
"Yes sir!"
I laughed as my father picked me up, throwing me onto his shoulders, letting me see the entire world. My helmet slipped on my head and came tumbling off, but my father easily caught it with his hands and let it dangle on his fingertips. I was going to ask for it back, but decided I was okay with him holding onto it.
"He made four kids cry. Do you now how many mothers gave me dirty looks today John? I'm so embarrassed." My mother hissed.
"Oh hush. Football is football; I don't care if the kid is eight or thirty. Right squirt?"
"Right!"
"That's right! One day you are going to be a very good football player. You don't listen to anyone, you keep doing what you're doing, okay?"
I imagined running right next to him, my eyes glowing. "Like Jamal Lewis?"
"Even better son." He grabbed my waist and hoisted me off his broad shoulders and into the van. He quickly started undoing my straps and helping me get my shoulder pads off. "You going to be good for your mother tonight?" I nodded my head furiously, beaming a smile at him. "There's my boy. I'll be back by bedtime, okay?"
My mother walked around to our side of the car after packing away their chairs and my helmet in the trunk. She wrapped her arms around his waist, sighing heavily.
"You be safe, yeah?"
"Always am. Don't be nervous sweetheart, I'll be home probably without even doing anything."
My mother chuckled before giving my father a quick kiss. "Who said I was nervous?"
"I'm not."
"Of course you aren't."
I watched as Gina fidgeted in her seat, waiting for the GPS to recalculate after she turned to early. When it was just the two of us, she knew it was okay to seem unsure and worried. Being together for two years gave me the luxury of seeing her as she was behind the curtain. But when we walked through that front door, her skills and experience would take over and she would cruise right through the meeting. She knew how important it was for me, but I think this time she was putting a lot of pressure on herself.
"It'll be fine Gina."
She just nodded her head, not bothering to answer me as we pulled onto the final street. The GPS was eagerly chirping that the destination was now mere feet away. Gina rolled the car to a stop on the street just outside of the house, not wanting to pull into their small driveway.
"Look at this Marcus. This is the one, I'm sure of it."
"Looks just like the last one, garage included."
Gina wrapped her large arm around my shoulders, hugging me close to her. "It won't be like that, I promise. These are old friends, you said so yourself."
"Meeting them at the fire department picnic a few times doesn't qualify as old friends. Or at the funeral."
I sat silently among a row of strangers. Strangers to me, brothers to my father, and in a way I suppose they felt like uncles to me. But as I kept my head lowered, eyes closed, each reassuring touch continued to feel cold and unwelcome. These men were not my family. My family was dead. My grandparents died when I was ten, and my uncle had died overseas. And my parents? My parents were being lowered into the ground mere inches from each other, and years away from me. The heavy weight of eyes finally left me, and I looked up to see the people that had stayed for the burial had begun to walk by each coffin and say a silent prayer. Each one made a point to walk by me afterwards, offering their condolences before they left my sight, back to their own life, their own family.
"Marcus?" I looked up at the stranger that had sat right next to me. "Just know that..." I saw his teeth clenched. "I am sorry. For everything."
I clutched the worthless flowers in my hand as I watch him drop his own into the pit. His wife came to his side, rubbing his back delicately as she led him away, consoling him. A boy about my age lingered behind them; he turned his head to me and only smiled as he continued to keep pace with his parents. I stood up from my seat, only a few people were had stayed behind; frozen, watching. I watched as each flower in my hands fell to join the others. When they finally stopped falling, it offered me little comfort and I fell to one knee, wondering if the cold slab of stones would. Tonight I would spend one final night in my home, my childhood home, and then in the morning my life would change.
The front door opened before we even reached the steps, and the same man from that fateful day stepped outside into the sun.
"Marcus. It's good to see you again." He led us both inside, closing the door behind us. "We still have some paperwork to iron out, right?"
"Yes we do."
"Should he- should he be with us while we do it? I'm not really sure on the protocol about all of this?"
Gina just patted me on the back. "He can sit in, he's been through enough of these. As long as you are okay with that?"
"Oh, I'm fine with it. In that case, welcome to your new home Marcus."
I groaned deeply, reaching for my alarm clock. A relieved smile came across me as I found the power button, and a DJ's morning announcement drowned her out. I rubbed my eyes as I sat up in my bed, trying to shake the need for more sleep. I couldn't afford to be late, my parents and coach made that plenty clear to me. Before I could even get out of my bed, my door burst open.
"Hey, listen to your mother okay? Now she's bugging me."
"Yeah dad."
"I'll tell her you'll be down in five. Don't make me a liar."
My father closed the door behind him, and I groaned as I stood up and stretched out my back. I shuffled over to my dresser, grabbing my standby black sweats and Churchill shirt. It was Wednesday, hump day, and I had no intentions of looking pretty today. I lowered myself down the stairs tenderly; Friday's exploits still lingering in my hip. As I approached the dining room table, I could tell my mother wanted to start my morning with a quick and swift lecture, but her face softened as she saw her baby walking gingerly; one of the few saving graces of getting speared to the ground a few times.
"Hurry up and eat your breakfast." Her snippy comment was her small way of exacting some form of punishment towards me.
"Still sore?"
"Yes sir."
My father only nodded his head. "Way to be tough. Just be sure to tell coach if it gets bad. I'm sure he wouldn't be to pleased to lose his new star running back."
"I'm icing it, I'll be good."
"Okay, grab that toast to go. Or else we'll both be late."
Another sharp honk stirred me from my daydreaming as I sat back up in my seat. I lazily looked up just in time to see the driver in front of us flip us off as he sped down the road, leaving the honk and us as a distant memory.
"Sorry Marcus, did I wake you?"
"I wasn't sleeping Gina, just thinking."
Gina was actually Miss Gina; she was informal like that towards most people she met. She had grown up in Florida, but after living in Maryland for twenty years that southern accent was long gone from her words, but that southern hospitality still stuck with her. I guess after all the shit the universe put me through in the past two years, having Miss Gina was a way of apologizing to me. But it'd take more than a caring woman for me to say thank you to the universe, it still had a long way to go to make it up to me. The car swung left off of Route 1 and with it all the signs for College Park; instead those billboards were quickly replaced by rows and rows of neatly tucked away houses. A stark difference from the houses we had driven past not just two minutes ago.
"Don't be nervous Marcus. We're only a few minutes out now."
"Marcus, are you okay sweetheart?"
"What? Of course he's okay. Aren't you son?"
"Yes sir!"
I laughed as my father picked me up, throwing me onto his shoulders, letting me see the entire world. My helmet slipped on my head and came tumbling off, but my father easily caught it with his hands and let it dangle on his fingertips. I was going to ask for it back, but decided I was okay with him holding onto it.
"He made four kids cry. Do you now how many mothers gave me dirty looks today John? I'm so embarrassed." My mother hissed.
"Oh hush. Football is football; I don't care if the kid is eight or thirty. Right squirt?"
"Right!"
"That's right! One day you are going to be a very good football player. You don't listen to anyone, you keep doing what you're doing, okay?"
I imagined running right next to him, my eyes glowing. "Like Jamal Lewis?"
"Even better son." He grabbed my waist and hoisted me off his broad shoulders and into the van. He quickly started undoing my straps and helping me get my shoulder pads off. "You going to be good for your mother tonight?" I nodded my head furiously, beaming a smile at him. "There's my boy. I'll be back by bedtime, okay?"
My mother walked around to our side of the car after packing away their chairs and my helmet in the trunk. She wrapped her arms around his waist, sighing heavily.
"You be safe, yeah?"
"Always am. Don't be nervous sweetheart, I'll be home probably without even doing anything."
My mother chuckled before giving my father a quick kiss. "Who said I was nervous?"
"I'm not."
"Of course you aren't."
I watched as Gina fidgeted in her seat, waiting for the GPS to recalculate after she turned to early. When it was just the two of us, she knew it was okay to seem unsure and worried. Being together for two years gave me the luxury of seeing her as she was behind the curtain. But when we walked through that front door, her skills and experience would take over and she would cruise right through the meeting. She knew how important it was for me, but I think this time she was putting a lot of pressure on herself.
"It'll be fine Gina."
She just nodded her head, not bothering to answer me as we pulled onto the final street. The GPS was eagerly chirping that the destination was now mere feet away. Gina rolled the car to a stop on the street just outside of the house, not wanting to pull into their small driveway.
"Look at this Marcus. This is the one, I'm sure of it."
"Looks just like the last one, garage included."
Gina wrapped her large arm around my shoulders, hugging me close to her. "It won't be like that, I promise. These are old friends, you said so yourself."
"Meeting them at the fire department picnic a few times doesn't qualify as old friends. Or at the funeral."
I sat silently among a row of strangers. Strangers to me, brothers to my father, and in a way I suppose they felt like uncles to me. But as I kept my head lowered, eyes closed, each reassuring touch continued to feel cold and unwelcome. These men were not my family. My family was dead. My grandparents died when I was ten, and my uncle had died overseas. And my parents? My parents were being lowered into the ground mere inches from each other, and years away from me. The heavy weight of eyes finally left me, and I looked up to see the people that had stayed for the burial had begun to walk by each coffin and say a silent prayer. Each one made a point to walk by me afterwards, offering their condolences before they left my sight, back to their own life, their own family.
"Marcus?" I looked up at the stranger that had sat right next to me. "Just know that..." I saw his teeth clenched. "I am sorry. For everything."
I clutched the worthless flowers in my hand as I watch him drop his own into the pit. His wife came to his side, rubbing his back delicately as she led him away, consoling him. A boy about my age lingered behind them; he turned his head to me and only smiled as he continued to keep pace with his parents. I stood up from my seat, only a few people were had stayed behind; frozen, watching. I watched as each flower in my hands fell to join the others. When they finally stopped falling, it offered me little comfort and I fell to one knee, wondering if the cold slab of stones would. Tonight I would spend one final night in my home, my childhood home, and then in the morning my life would change.
The front door opened before we even reached the steps, and the same man from that fateful day stepped outside into the sun.
"Marcus. It's good to see you again." He led us both inside, closing the door behind us. "We still have some paperwork to iron out, right?"
"Yes we do."
"Should he- should he be with us while we do it? I'm not really sure on the protocol about all of this?"
Gina just patted me on the back. "He can sit in, he's been through enough of these. As long as you are okay with that?"
"Oh, I'm fine with it. In that case, welcome to your new home Marcus."
