Verdict: It's better than that steaming pile of Stephen Sommers that came out last summer. And yes, Sgt. Slaughter vs. Nemesis Enforcer is one of the best things ever made.
Whatever the movie's faults, Joe succeeds at transplanting the Joes' 4:3 action to the big screen, giving the movie - dare I say it - an "epic" feel when compared to its afterschool cartoon origins. The opening title sequence, which basically exists to start the show off with a bang (plot holes be damned) features the biggest battle ever between the Joes and Cobra, which works in face time for almost every major and supporting player in the Joe verse - even Major Blood.
The plot proper doesn't kick in until after the three minute assault on the Statue of Liberty, where Cobra's emperor, Serpentor, puts Cobra Commander on trial for his incompetence. Before the likes of Destro and Dr. Mindbender can persecute their raspy-voiced leader, a mysterious woman infiltrates Cobra's base and reveals herself to be Pythona, a citizen of the mysterious Cobra-La, who needs Serpentor's help in retrieving a energy-making device called the BET, a device key to the bad guy's plan to rule the world.
Cut to the Snow-Cat full mountains of somewhere very cold as the Joes test the BET moments before Cobra forces invade. Here, the animated series raises the stakes - Duke gets hurt in battle! - and we know we're in for a very PG-13 conflict between good versus evil.
We soon learn that Cobra-La is an ancient civilization that somehow manages to bankroll Cobra's international ops, from inside an ice dome, in a place growing with death plants and murder bugs (Yep.) Its leader, Golobulus (a scene-chewing Burgess Meredith), uses a winged badass by the name of Nemesis Enforcer to pave the way for Cobra-La's return to surface living by wiping out the human population by launching deadly spores into Earth's orbit.
Standing in Cobra's way are Duke and his cocky brother, Falcon (Don Johnson!), who emerges as the narrative's main character, much like Hot Rod did in Transformers, as he goes from one-note Maverick to ultimate hero with a battle to the death inside the heart of Cobra-La.
The movie has the unenviable task of introducing many new toys, er, characters, yet somehow the narrative finds adequate means to weave Beach Head's new recruits, the big bads of Cobra-La and Sgt. Slaughter's crew without feeling forced or contrived. In doing so, fans of the franchise may feel that their favorites - particularly Snake Eyes, Bazooka, Flint and Storm Shadow - are short-shrifted, in favor of a large-scale story that can't quite find the proper balance between the Joes vs. Cobra, and the Joes vs. Cobra-La. In retrospect, the opening title sequence seems to exist to satisfy the more traditional approach to a G.I. Joe movie fans may have expected.
And yes, the movie is one very explosion-filled ad for playsets, but it does manage to successfully pull off some very dark moments; the edgiest beats in the entire franchise's history. The first centers on Cobra Commander's Cobra-La origins, ending with him literally, and violently, being turned into a snake thanks to Golobulus. The second capitalizes on the fact that, on the big screen, our Joes bleed, especially Duke, when he takes a Serpentor snake scarf to the heart. This scene was to be the death of the Joe's leader, a moment the movie earns - only to have the dramatic impact undercut by Scarlet's ADR line telling us that Duke is only in a coma.
We get it - Hasbro didn't like the flack it received by killing off Optimus Prime in his animated movie, so they didn't want a repeat of that. In doing so, the beats following Duke's non-death - General Hawk crying, Falcon's "this one's for you, brother" post-battle line - don't resonate as the filmmakers intended. Their desire to deliver a darker, more "realistic" take on a series where the heroes never get hurt and always regroup FTW by the end of the show is undercut, but not completely undone.
G.I. Joe sets out to satisfy an older crowd than its target audience, one that would many years later find it hard to revisit the movie with objective eyes, and to that end it hits its mark. Its movie logic doesn't hold up as well as its narrative wishes it did - It's all too easy for Sgt. Slaughter and four others to take down that which an entire army of Joes could not, the Terror Drome. And while the project's ambition is commendable, and for the most part successful, the animation budget lacks the necessary coin to properly pull off the many battlefronts comprising the picture's climax.
G.I. Joe is not a perfect movie, but I don't regret watching it like it were the Zepruder film as a kid. It manages to deliver suitable drama for a franchise with action figure beginnings, which is more than I can say for last summer's overproduced, narratively bankrupt fail from Paramount. Duke getting stabbed with a python and surviving is better than Duke wearing a Channing Tatum suit any day.
Score: 6 out of 10
Video and Presentation
The DVD transfer is a few notches better than the movie's previously (and now discontinued) disc release, but it suffers from low image fidelity and excessive film grain.
Color levels are soft, save for the reds of weapons fire and the fire from battle explosions. Detailing on character close-ups and military vehicles however, stands out, especially shots of characters reflected in Cobra Commander's dome or those of Joe weaponry. The overall image feels dim, as if a permanent shadow is cast over the animation.
The DVD contains the full-frame version and an option to view the widescreen version.
The source material clearly isn't the most ideal to work with, so you'll either get used to the film dirt or you won't. But we hope that, for a movie featuring time worms and plants that can Cape Canaveral spore pods into space, you're prepared for the video quality to be less than reference.
Score: 6 out of 10
Audio and Languages
The 2.0 stereo mix leaves much to be desired, but then again, one should not expect the 5.1 Dolby touch given the source materials Shout Factory had to work with.
The dialogue is loud and clear; and surrounds do add some extra life to the gunplay and explosions, but not with any dynamic flair. It is too bad fans do not get their 5.1 mix here, as the movie would provide one hell of a fun experience if mixed correctly. Maybe the special edition double-dip will give us Slaughter's "This is for me!" pounding of Nemesis Enforcer in its deserved surround-sound glory.
Score: 6 out of 10
Extras and Packaging
The DVD comes in your standard case, with the Blu-ray included, and it includes all of the special features contained on the HD disc.
Story consultant Buzz Dixon provides a very honest, very blunt, commentary that is not afraid to point out story inconsistencies or narrative choices that don't work or should have worked better. He explains the genesis behind the opening title sequence, which came after the script was completed and Hasbro realized they didn't have a slam-bang opening.
Dixon also provides background on the original story planned for the movie, one that eventually found its way in part as a multi-episode arc about the creation of Serpentor prior to the movie's release. Dixon calls out the lame factor surrounding the Cobra-La name, a name that was to serve as a placeholder until someone came up with a better title for Golobulus' empire (no one did). His commentary may have a few lull spots, but it is a candid, trivia-filled listen for die-hard fans.
The Joe's Public Service Announcements are all here, and yes, knowing is still half the battle. The DVD's exclusive bonus feature is the printable screenplay.
A solid collection of extras for a movie that is only sacred to a select group of fans.
Score: 7 out of 10
The Bottom Line
The Joes' war with Cobra gets the big screen treatment and, for the most part, delivers on the demands such a visual canvas requires. Certain zooms and tracking shots lack the fluidity of more modern ventures in the medium, but for a cartoon based on a toy, we could have much, much worse.
G.I. Joe holds up better than one might expect; it has legit stakes and manages to go to a dark place and stay there as the armies of Cobra-La threaten to take out the world our Joes have sworn to protect. For those disappointed by the image quality here, they don't have very far to go for HD quality, thanks to the combo package.